Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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