After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
