Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
