I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I want to make a zoo with you.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
