so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
