You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
