1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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