Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
