I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
