I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
