in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize