C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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