Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize