i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
we're so committed to being not committed
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
