i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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