he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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