We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
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