I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
