Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
