I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
