Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
