i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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