the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
