I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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