you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize