I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
