I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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