you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
