Porn is love you can see.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
we made out on top of his cat.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
