You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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