It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize