I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
