I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
