I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
