Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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