Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Where is the hickey?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
