every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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