Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
