I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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