4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
we have officially lost it.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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