I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
