literally had 100 drinks last night.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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