Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
