he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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