We're like a lot better than the average bears
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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