You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
is it fun? or sober?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
