Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I have aggressive nipples.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
