i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
