Already got asked if we're dating
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
