He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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