Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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