I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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