I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize