You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
