i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
So much rum. So many feels.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
