Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize