You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
