Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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