If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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