Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
