I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
