If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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