Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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