My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
