I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
