I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
