whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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