He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
