I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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