I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize