the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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