I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
