Define "chronic" masturbator.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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