I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
