Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
