Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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