If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
