arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
