when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
