yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Green mimosas i think yes
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
