I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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