i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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