half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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