He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
