dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
