got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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