Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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