Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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