..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
