i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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